Mommy Meltdown on Aisle One...

I read here one of the most encouraging things to do for other mommas is to let your guard down. Be vulnerable once in a while.  Sometimes the most reassuring thing to do is let her walk into your home when it looks like a war zone.  It helps her to know that you don't always have it all together. And let me tell you, Lisa Jo has encouraged me many, many times.  So if it's pertaining to motherhood and she says it, I'm pretty sure it's true.

So here I am broken and humbled and definitely not having it all together.  I'm metaphorically opening the door and letting you come into my home in hopes that I will not only encourage you, but that maybe you too can leave a little encouragement for me.

Today is the day I failed as a momma.  I yelled at A today.  As soon as I did, it broke my heart.  If she was a sassy toddler or a mouthy teenager maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. But she's not, she's one. One year old!  Let's see I think it started this morning when she threw a fit when we were done brushing our teeth and I took her toothbrush away.  Then she threw cheerios on the floor as I was making us some breakfast.  She fussed when I changed her clothes.  She kicked the bowl of mac and cheese out of my hand when I was  trying to give her lunch.  She hollered and yelled at Target because she didn't want to be in the buggy.  She screamed and dropped to the floor when I let her out but made her hold my hand.

Now let me reassure you, I am not the parent who laughs at their child's every  mishap thinking it's cute.  Nor am I the parent who says, "No, don't do that." over and over and over.  However I am usually the parent with patience and love when I discipline.  I sternly say, "No" once, maybe twice. Then I resort with a swat on the butt or a short time-out in her crib until she calms down.  Then I'll go pick her up and love on her, telling her why she can't do whatever she did.  I know I said she's only one, but I want her to know from the beginning that love and discipline go hand-in-hand.  In fact, I discipline because I love.  But, I digress.

Tonight was the first night that I actually looked forward to our bedtime routine.  How awful is that?! Eight pm wasn't coming fast enough.  I couldn't wait to get some jammies on her, rock her to sleep, and lay her down for some peace and quiet.  As soon as I pulled her door shut, I breathed a sigh of relief.  

I stalked around on Facebook for a while, did some browsing on Pinterest, and finally I broke down in tears.  Not just because I raised my voice but because I shut the door and was glad.  Glad that the day was over, glad that I could steal away from her for a moment of quiet, glad that I was done.  Even as I write I am tempted to tiptoe into her room and hold her in my arms for a midnight apology, but of course she would wake up and the fight to get her back down would ensue. 

So that's it.  My motherhood meltdown.  Aren't you happy to know that we have a God who never fails us?  He never loses patience or hope or love.  He picks us up when we fall down and sets us on our feet again, just like we do with our kids time and time again. 

 For all of you veteran mommas out there who have been doing this thing called parenting for some time now, I need you.  I need a pat on the back, a hug, an its-going-to-be-okay embrace.  Let me know that you've been here before and that it will get better.  Let me know that She will get better!  Some days I have a one year old going on terrible two's and those days last forever, but the sweet ones seem to fly on by. For the novice mommas, like myself, I hope this post helps you to know that you're not alone.  Here's hoping the tantrums and tiffs are few and far between and the smiling, sunny moments are here to stay :)


"Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28-29

"You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.  You'll never know dear how much I love you.  Please don't take my Sunshine away."