Life Goes On

A little over four years ago I lost my grandfather.  I never thought I would continue this blog after I dedicated that post to him.  Much as I tried I couldn't come up with a segue to something more joyful to write about.  It seemed wrong to just write the next happy thing that came along as if what just happened didn't really happen.  These past few days I learned that I can write again and I have found the perfect segue - Life goes on. In the last four years my family has been through some major personal catastrophes that I literally wasn't sure I could live through. It took me a long time to truly believe that no matter what happens, it is well with my soul! Storms will come our way, but no matter how devastating they may seem joy comes in the morning!  It's ok to write about the happy shortly after you've endured the sad, because we live in a fallen world and that's just life.

When I woke up this morning and saw blue skies and sunshine, I teared up.  Not because I'm happy we can somewhat get out of the house now, but because I felt grateful beyond belief.When I sat down to watch the news and saw a segment about a toddler clinging to their momma’s lifeless body, I broke. The two had gotten swept away by the current and a rescue boat was able to catch them and bring them into the boat, but the mother didn’t make it. I cried all morning.  It’s like my mind finally caught up with my heart and I truly realized just how lucky we are.  I’m in awe that we were spared. While I’m certainly thankful that we were untouched, I don’t understand it either.

We know that we are no more deserving than anyone else. We never had to experience true gut-wrenching fear. We didn't have to clutch our babies close as we swam to safety. We didn't even live without our first world luxuries of hot showers and home cooked meals every day. I know that God was here and that there's some reason that we made it out unscathed. I don't necessarily believe the well-meaning cliches of "God protected you!" or "Your angels were with you!" I know it's meant to be a phrase of comfort, and maybe even a sort of badge of honor - “You made it, I’m so glad!”  As if we really could have stopped the flood waters from coming into our home if we wanted to. Believing those words would imply that God wasn't protecting or sending angels to my neighbors only two blocks away that had to ax their families way through their attic. Or the nursing home residents whose photo went viral as they sat in chest deep flood waters waiting for some sort of relief.  I don’t believe in a God who would do that.

So while I don't buy into God picking or choosing my family for protection over others, I most definitely know He was here. I saw Him in giving that neighbor the strength he needed to wield that ax to save his family. I saw Him in the momma that swam with her newborn to safety. I saw him in the Cajun Navy and the many local boat owners that quite literally put on their boots and got to work. I saw Him in the women picking up laundry from shelters to wash and return. I saw Him in the first responders that put their lives on the line. I saw Him in “Mattress Mack” opening up his furniture stores and welcoming people to make themselves at home and sleep on the furniture and mattresses because he believed that human life meant more than any sort of profit.

Tonight my family and I went out outside and my daughter thought it was so cool that we could see the moon and some stars. I smiled; I knew God was here all along and He looks down with pride as we Houstonians are loving our neighbors.  We will get to work cleaning up this horrific mess, school and work will resume, and life will have a sense of normalcy again.  Hurricane Harvey has slowly moved out of the Houston area and will slowly make its way north and finally fade out of existence, never to be forgotten.  This last six days will be six days that I will remember forever.   I will remember my children getting to play games and spend time with my sister and their great grandmother.  I will remember the same movies being played over and over.  I will remember the walks we took and the puddles splashed in to pass the time.  I will cherish these days forever knowing that they very well could have been our last.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul

-Horatio Spafford, 1873

Friends Forever

I had the wonderful privilege of having Pops marry my husband and I :)

Today I lost a very dear friend to me.  When you have a friend that you're very close with you say they're "like family to me" or "I love her like a sister".  I'm not sure you hear that phrase the other way around too often.  But for me it's all too true.  Pops was my paternal grandfather.  He was a gardening-advice-giver, Mr.-Fix-It, I'll-show-you-not-do-it-for-you-kinda-teacher, lover-of-The-Word, PBS-watcher, NRA-member and Outdoors-enthusiast.  Webster's Dictionary defines friend as someone who is a favored companion;  Pops was just that, a companion.  We've lived no less than six hours away from each other my whole life, and yet he's been one of my closest companions from childhood thru college and into my years of marriage and motherhood.  I may not have been able to enjoy his presence on a daily basis, but I cherish the many many phone calls regularly spent talking with him.  Several times he's told me he needed to get off the phone or else I'd end up keeping him for two hours like my daddy does...he would then go off on a tangent and continue our phone call until we had indeed been on the phone for two hours :)

Oh! Did I mention he was crazy about his family? He was.  He had five children, sixteen grandchildren, and my own baby made him a great-grandfather.  He had a funny nickname for all of us. Mervanner, Munchkin, South Dakota, Leroy, Stitch, Just Terrific, Cassie Mae, Outlaw, Brown-Eyed Honey, Brown-Eyed Darlin, and half of those are just my siblings and I!  He loved introducing us to everyone he knew whenever any of us got a chance to visit him.  Whether it was church or Walmart, he made sure to show us off.  I couldn't even begin to count the times that he's taken any of us for a week or so in the summers.  We would go fishing, hunting, or maybe even drive over to Shiloh, Tn to see some Civil War Reenactments.  

One particular summer he took my dad, myself, my two sisters, and two of my cousins camping at a place called Cecil's Creek.  The first night there I remember him standing outside of the tents in his tidy-whities banging sticks together to ward off some coyotes we heard getting close.  Once we all fell back asleep it started storming causing everything to get wet!  The next morning our campground was decorated with underwear, clothes, and camping bags hanging in the trees to dry-it was a pretty funny sight!

I am extremely thankful for the twenty-six years I have had him in my life, and even more thankful that I will have him for eternity!  Death is such a hard road to travel, but when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will see that person again it's a little less labored.  I know that the burden of death won't be as heavy because I will see my Pops again.  

For now though I miss my friend and can't quite believe he's gone.  I'm praying for that peace that passes understanding for myself and family; Our lives will never be the same.

" Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.  According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words." - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Every Love Story Is Beautiful, But Ours Is My Favorite

I've mentioned this blog before and I absolutely love it! She is definitely a messenger of the Lord. He always gives her the right words that I need to read at just the right moment. She has a feature called "Five Minute Friday". If you're a blogger yourself, I encourage you to try it out! Basically every Friday she gives a one word prompt and you're supposed to write for five minutes flat. No editing or thinking. Just a quick write from the heart.  It's my 5 minute labor of love :)

Ready? The word is Story. 
GO!

Once upon a time I met this boy, fell in love, got married, and had a baby.
And that is where my story begins.  

Waking up two, three, four times in the night to rock her back to sleep.  Cuddling in bed with both of them when rocking doesn't seem to work.  Filling and refilling sippy cups each day...and sanitizing and sterilizing the one that looks like a science experiment from being lost under the couch a week ago. Washing, folding, and ironing the laundry.  Having supper cooked or being cooked when he gets home from work, so he can relax after a long day.  Passing out popcorn, strawberries, bananas, or animal crackers for snacks.  Sleeping with my back always touching his; it's our funny way to snuggle.  Realizing the bruises on both of my knees come from giving her pony rides on the carpet every day. Reciting one book after another and bursting into simultaneous laughter when she catches me not even  looking at the pages - smarty pants ;)  The way he holds me tight and towers over me when I just need to break down.  And the way she holds me tight as I read, sing, and rock her to sleep.

They are my story. The sweet loves of my life.  They are my responsibility, privilege, and joy all in a days' time.

 

“The best thing a girl can be is a good wife and mother. It is a

 girl's highest calling. I hope I am ready.” ― Nancy E. Turner

How Does He Do It?!

Well, it happened again-this thing we call life.  It has been a little over a month since I've last posted.  I hate it when time slips away from me, because I have so much to tell!  Here's a little glimpse of what the last month for me has looked like...

The weekend of June 8-9, we went to Shreveport for a friends' wedding.  We decided to let my younger brother, Uncle J, come stay with us for two weeks. So the weekend of the 23, my momma and youngest sister came to pick him up.  During that time we decided to go to Galveston for a day.  What a day that turned out to be! As we packed up the car and got ready to head home, trouble was brewing.  I literally pulled of the beach parking and suddenly had to use every muscle I had to turn the steering wheel.  Naturally, I thought the power steering was out.  I called M to ask what I should do when I noticed smoke coming from the hood.  I popped the hood and waved the smoke away only to find liquid rubber. That's right, a belt had melted and was literally dripping from the engine. By the time it snapped it got caught around the fan bladed which busted our water pump.  So, thankfully, I had a friend with me (we'll call her KK) who called a tow truck and cab while I was on the phone with the insurance and trying to keep my husband updated.  Meanwhile Baby A and Uncle J were melting themselves in the backseat!  It's funny how things work out, because God turned such an extremely stressful situation into a deeper friendship.  My friend and I spent all day together and were able to share our hearts with one another and enjoy each other's fellowship!  A and J were such troopers that day as well.  With no naps and having to carhop back and forth between our car, the cab, the tow truck and KK's husbands truck a melted should have been a guaranteed event, but they were great the whole time!

M, A, and I got a week break to ourselves to just hang out, with no plans involved.  Well Thursday my great grandmother had a stroke, and did I forget to mention that while we were in Shreveport for the wedding my grandfather had a stroke? So now I had my grandfather, Pops, and his momma in two different hospitals for strokes.  Wednesday morning I got a call saying that Grandma had passed away.  It's always sad when someone dies, but with 94 years of age and a strong Christian faith I have absolutely no doubt that Grandma was reunited with Pawpaw and they are dancing with Jesus! :)  Now when I found this out I had to figure out a way to the funeral.  With car problems just a week before, we couldn't afford to drive long distance in our only vehicle.  Not to mention we had traveled to Shreveport twice in the month before and the AC was out in our car, so A was not going to be a happy traveler.  Plane tickets for my husband and I were astronomical so that was out of the question.  Riding a train or bus was our next option, but also ridiculously expensive and would take 3 days to get there! Luckily my great aunt and uncle live here in Houston as well, so I was able to hitch a ride with them.  M had previously requested off work that Friday and his mom had already planned to come for a visit as well.  What divine intervention!  God was certainly going ahead of me and had made the arrangements for myself to get to Arkansas for the funeral and also for A to be taken care of while I was away.  

5 generations!

I spent a week in Arkansas and while I hated the circumstances, I loved having a family reunion of sorts with grandparents, aunts, uncles, many, many cousins and of course my own parents and siblings. The great aunt and uncle I rode in with stayed a few extra days to visit with other family, but I couldn't hold out any longer.  So I rented a car and drove all the way back to Houston - 10 hours! Luckily one of my sisters was able to ride with me so I didn't have to make the trek alone.  Again, I hated the circumstances that these things happened in, however I got to drive my childhood dream car ha ha When I was younger I always wanted a lime green Volkswagen Beetle, this wasn't lime green but it was a beetle nonetheless :)

When I finally made it home I could not wait to see my husband and baby! It had been entirely too long and once I had them in my arms I never wanted to let go!  When I walked in the front door and A saw me she squealed and then started laughing like a little crazy person, it was so funny! She hugged me so tight and when her daddy asked for a hug, because he had just arrived home from work, she squeezed me tighter and said no! Then she wiggled down and started pulling me towards the door.  I followed her lead, thinking she wanted me to take her to the pool, but guess where we ended up? The laundry room!! She held her hands out and smiled as if to say, "Welcome back, the laundry's waiting!"  It's pretty funny that she knows my job description ;)  

While Aunt Chevy (that's what A calls her) and I were taking A for a walk in her new wagon that my grandmother sent, something big had happened back in Shreveport.  When we got back home I was in the kitchen when Chevy said, "Check your phone!" "What?" I said.  "Just check your phone!"  Our middle sister had just gotten engaged! As soon as I put A to bed we called to congratulate her and get the story.  I hope and pray for the very best; may they enjoy a long and fruitful marriage!

     

Well, after another week full of company, M's mom left on Tuesday and Aunt Chevy caught the train back on Thursday.  And to wrap it all up, my brother shipped out to basic training on Sunday.. Whew, what a time this has been! What a mighty God we serve! I was worried about how things would pan out with me suddenly being gone so long and He took care of everything! 

Things here are finally back to normal and Miss Priss just woke up from a nap, so that's all I've got for now.  Hopefully we finally have some free time, with no plans or trips for a long time! It's back outside to play for her and to finish painting a project for me :)

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." - Deuteronomy 31:8

Attention: Villagers Wanted!

One of those heart-melting sweet moments when
she's "saying the blessing" :)

My husband and I moved to Houston, Tx almost 3 years ago and it took me a while to adjust.  I am very much a "homebody" if you will.  That being said, when we found out I was pregnant I was elated and scared at the same time.  We had planned on raising our children around our families, but that was obviously not in God's plan.  After M got a job here we thought that we would work here for about 5 years, get some experience under our belts, and move back to our hometown of Shreveport, La.  M loves his job here, we have some great friends, and a wonderful church!  We are pretty sure that this is where we are settling down and raising our family and I have finally excepted this truth.

We've all heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child."  Lately I keep wondering where are all my village people at?! :)  Living 4 hours from the nearest relatives is taking a toll on me lately. I'm feeling a little burnt out.  I'm a little envious of my friends back home who have family around to take the kids for a few hours now and then.  Or even to come over and keep them occupied so momma can get some chores done in a timely manner or have some quiet time with daddy.  A has been waking up quite a bit during the night lately, add that to keeping up with regular housecleaning, cooking, and making sure she gets a good dose of fresh air and sunshine to her play is really wearing me out.  M helps out when he gets home from work, but I certainly don't expect it.  He has his job and this is mine.  [And to be honest, I don't mind because he doesn't get things quite as clean as I like :) ]

Just the other morning, while M and I were making breakfast, I turned around to see that A had climbed onto the dining table and was playing with my sewing machine.  I firmly told her to get down and she just stared.  I told her once more to get down and she continued playing and touching the machine.  I walked over and said, "A get down right now."  I kid you not at the age of 1 1/2 she looked at me, rolled her eyes, and turned away!  My brother is here visiting with us and he, M, and myself all looked at each other in shock.  Did she really just do that?! I quickly pulled her off of the table, gave her a spanking, and told her why she can't behave like that.  My sweet baby is already heading into the terrible two's stage and I am not looking forward to it.

I'm reading a book that a dear friend gave me called Feminine Appeal:  Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney and I'd like to share a passage with you:

Motherhood can be both exhilarating and exasperating. It can present us with a delightful experience one moment and a baffling encounter the next.  There are days when we can't imagine doing anything more rewarding.  Then we have days when caring for our children feels anything but significant.  ... I seldom feel like much of an adventurer-standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: "Uh oh.  I spilled."  But sometimes the thought will strike me:  There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands.  I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast.

She is right, this mission is definitely vast and grave! One second I look at my sweet baby and just hold her and breathe her in ... then she wiggles away yelling no, no!  I think God transplanted us here to a place with no family or friends to teach us to cling to each other.  It's taken us a year and half but A has started teaching us that once in a while we need to get out, whether with each other or on our own, and hit the refresh button :) And testy as she may be sometimes, we're always happy to walk back through the door and scoop her up for a big hug!  Not being able to drop her off so easily with a grandparent, aunt, or uncle has proven to us that we can do this.  It's also been wonderful for our marriage as well; when you have nowhere to go, it makes it difficult to run ;)  

So for any mommas out there having one of those days that make you want to run off like a mad man this is our new mantra, repeat after me:

        "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" - Philippians 4:13

Although Uncle J isn't quite old enough for babysitting duties, having him around as free entertainment for two weeks also does wonders for Baby A!

Let It Be

A is nearly 18 months old and I still feed her myself most of the time.  I am a perfectionist and neat freak, and it's so much cleaner for me to feed her myself.  Plus she eats all of the food when I do it.  Whenever I do let her try herself  food gets almost everywhere except in her belly, thus ending in me feeding her anyway.  So that's something I'm working on.  I've been making her food, and unless we have somewhere to go directly afterwards, I am letting her feed herself.  I know it's going to get messy, but it hasn't taken too much longer to wipe everything down when she's done.  Not only is she gaining independence, but I know this also helps with her fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, etc.  I know that in this instance I have to start letting her grow up; messy as it may be :)

So Friday afternoon I decided to convert A's crib to a toddler bed.  She loved it!  She squealed with delight as soon as the rail came off and starting hopping up and down on the bed.  I asked if she liked her big girl bed and she gave me a big grin and plopped herself down with her baby doll.  It was even a big help with discipline.  She got in trouble a little while later and I told her to go sit on her bed and she did!  Fast forward to bedtime.  She went to sleep easy as usual, but woke up several times during the night and came into our room.  Finally around 1:30 I gave up and let her sleep with us the rest of the night.  I thought about it the next morning and realized that this was something I was pushing for a little too soon.  She's not even two years old yet and it's not like we need the crib for a new baby.  So why am I trying to transition her when she's clearly not ready?  If she sleeps through the night in a crib, there is no reason to mess that up.  I know that at some point she'll be too big for her crib and may even start climbing out.  When that day comes it'll be back to the drawing board, but for now I'll let her sleep for when she wakes ... I'll have to wake too :)

Every time we sit down at the table for breakfast, lunch, or supper, I always say to A, "Ok bow your head, let's say the blessing."  Last night I put A in her highchair and made us all a bowl of spaghetti.  I turned around to put the bowls on the table and A looked at me, clasped her little hands, and bowed her head.  Needless to say while Daddy blessed the food, I cried happy tears! I must be doing something right! That was such a proud moment for this Momma.  My baby has learned how to bow her head and pray and that is one of the best lessons ever, for her and myself.  I've learned that she is growing up so so fast.  If I push too much, I'm going to look back one day and wish I had let her stay a baby a little longer.  And if I keep her little too long, I'll miss knowing that she's learning and grasping the lessons my husband and I are teaching her.  

Lately I've been stuck in a place wondering if I am pushing A to grow up too fast or keeping her a baby too long. Well, I'm so glad I learned it now before I blink and she's 5 years old heading off to kindergarten :)  I've realized that we're doing just fine and that with God's timing she will grow up and be who she's supposed to be.  My pushing and pulling isn't necessarily doing any good.  I have learned to let her be, she is a tiny little sponge soaking up new things everyday and is learning all the time whether I plan it or not!

Big Girl Bed!

  

    In her toddler bed, and sleeping sweetly back in her crib the next night :)


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the Heavens." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Called and Set Apart

Have you ever gotten a gift from someone and it was the absolute best thing you've ever gotten?  Motherhood is the best gift I've ever gotten.  When God, and M of course, made me a Momma I had no idea how I would be transformed.  It's absolutely true what they say about a child changing you in ways you could never imagine.  I consider myself a very loving person, but I love so much deeper since A was brought into my life.  I use to be pretty timid and do anything to avoid confrontation, but I have a backbone since A was brought into my life.  I use to have terrible gag reflexes and couldn't smell or look at anything gross without almost vomiting, but that has all changed since A was brought into my life! 

I am 17 months postpartum and I still get emotional and teary-eyed just looking at my little beauty.  She is so smart and beautiful and my heart just about explodes with joy knowing that she's mine.  Her giggles are infectious and deep belly laughs intoxicating!  I am a stay-at-home-momma so I am with her nearly 24/7 and yet the few times that I've spent the night away from her I can't wait to get her back; She's my drug that I can't live without.

When I'm tired, she makes sure that I'm exhausted.  When I'm hungry, she likes to make me starve.  When I need to pee, she needs to pee first.  When I finally get started on that book, she brings me her own book.  When M and I got married a dear friend of mine said that she felt as if she didn't know who she truly was until she got married.  That is the feeling I have about becoming a momma.  I would have never thought twice about Pampers or Parents Choice, Gerber food or homemade food, or anything  BPA free!  Now my whole life revolves around constantly thinking about someone else and their needs and wants.

I have been pooped on, pee'd on, spit up on, and just recently puked on.  I can rock a sticky shirt like nobody's business and dance to Choo Choo Soul 'til I fall on the floor.  I can quote Lion King and Lady and the Tramp word for word and still not tire of watching her laugh at the hyenas or Siamese cats.

My heart and soul have been forever changed and there's no going back.  I will trek this mountain called motherhood for the rest of my life.  When my own babies have babies I will slide down and climb back up again, helping them each step of the way.  For this is my calling and my purpose:  Momma :)

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." - Jeremiah 1:5

 

My wonderful husband got me the bike and baby carrier I had been wanting for Mother's Day!

When I'm With You by JJ Heller

My sister played this song for me not long after A was born and it still describes my love for her now, enjoy!